It's coming....

We had the deployment ceremony yesterday. It was gutwrenching, but at the same time I felt less alone. As I was trying to hide my own tears I looked around and watched them fall around me. Children, moms & dads, wives, girlfriends, friends and I realized that I'm not abnormal for how I've been feeling, as much as he tries to make me think I am. A kid sitting next to me said "deployment sucks". Well, doesn't that sum it up. Nothing could be added to that, I could only agree.

So here we are at the end of a years worth of prep. Now the emotions are higher and now I'm mad. I'm mad that he can walk around and not seem to care that he's going. Ok, protect yourself, protect me whatever, but I need to know you love me. I need to know that waiting here for a year in constant anxiety will be worth it when you get home. That you want to get home to me. Any sign.....anything?

But no. We lose our husbands before they even go. Who will they be when they come back? Who will we be? Is it wrong to want to talk instead of watch tv? Is it wrong to just want to hold each other until we go to sleep? Is it wrong to want to love you?

It will soon be here. That final hug. The final look. The final kiss. The final drive home alone.

1 Comment:

  1. liberal army wife said...
    you know he loves you. In your heart, you DO know that. he'll show it again, when he feels that he can. YES, I agree, this sucks completely. and not a damned thing I say is going to make it better. saying something ridiculous like hang in there.. sucks too. remember, we are out here for you.


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