Rookie Army National Guard Wife

Wow, so much has happened over the last few days. He left very early Sunday morning. I took him to the armory around midnight Saturday night. It was so weird. Trying to think of something to say that would truly represent what I was feeling about him and the next year and every emotion I could lump into one phrase. But I couldn't. All I could do was hug him and try to remember how his arms felt around me. How his lips felt against mine and try to committ that to my memory for the next year. Then we said "See ya later...." and I watched him walk into the armory. And I got in the car and drove away.

All the emotions came over me and I sobbed while I drove home. Then I walked into the house and his work boots were sitting next to the bed and his jeans with the belt still in them that he was just wearing a few hours ago hung on the closet hook and I the strangest feeling hit me that he would be home in a few hours. He really wasn't leaving for a year. And then the deepest sadness I have ever felt hit my stomach and my chest and I felt I had just lost my best friend.

So far, I have left the jeans and the boots where they are and his basket full of clean laundry that is by his dresser. I just can't let it go yet. As much as I want to clean, I just want things to remain the way that they were when he left. This has been much harder than I thought it would be. I thought after a few weeks is when it would hit me because I was used to him being gone that long, but it's already the hardest thing I've have felt.