6 days +3

Ok, as some of you may have noticed I changed the design of my blog. Instead of the black forboding look, I went into more natural colors. I did have a reason for it and it wasn't just to play, although I am a computer nerd at heart and I do enjoy learning new stuff.

Anyway, I did it because I felt as though I should begin anew. I re-read a lot of my posts and realized how whiny and weak they sounded. I don't regret posting them because those thoughts are truly how I felt at the time and I wanted to be as raw as I can be on this blog. What I do regret is that I didn't immediately have the inner strength I thought I would have. I regret that I moved my house to a sand foundation.

What I hope to accomplish this year that he is gone is a better sense of myself. More confidence, more backbone, more strength, a bigger set!!!! I hope to be able to look back and mock myself for how weak I ONCE was and am now no longer.

All those feelings I talked about are real. I will miss him. I will worry about him. I will get upset because he isn't in bed beside me. I will want to rage when something amazing happens and he isn't there to share it with. I will be bitter when I need a hug and there's no one there to give it to me. But all those things can't be helped, but they can be dealt with better. I can be stronger than I have been and I will be. Stay tuned and hold me accountable when I falter. I welcome all your advice and comments. And for everyone of you that have reached out to me to encourage me or just share the moment with me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You all offer something to me that is unique in it's own way and something that I will always keep with me during this time. We are not alone. We will survive. We will thrive.


  1. stuffed said...
    I haven't commented because I can't read anything on a dark background. I read black blogs with a reader that uses a white background. I like the new design. :0)

    'Whining' is fine. Everyone does it or wishes they did. Bless teh internets for being such a nice outlet.

    I made my first care package today. BF's in training and hasn't deployed yet. I'm interested in other people's care packages. Have you given them any thought yet?
    liberal army wife said...
    we are allowed to whine, to have the periodic pity party. your blog is YOURS and you do what you need to do to get through a deployment. NONE of us will judge you, those of us who have gone through one won't at any rate. Raging, screaming, crying, being angry at him, the army, the world... yup, been there, did that. Normal, absolutely normal. And I'm glad you are talking and communicating well. It helps.


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