I'm OK

I'm doing ok. I don't understand it, but I am. It seems my husband and I have switched roles. He's away for 2-3 weeks training. Usually the first week he's distant and soldier like and I'm a basket case after we get off the phone because I miss his husbandness (yes, one of my many talents is making up new words!!!). This time is different. He's homesick. I've never heard him this way before. The National Guard is his life and I knew when I became involved with him that I was always going to be second to that. But this time is different and it has me worried a bit.

If you've been reading this blog you know how emotional I am about him and his deployment and truth be told, I truly am not a blubbering mess on the surface. Most of my friends and family don't even know I have these feelings. This is how I get them out, which is why they sound so raw and mushy, but I digress. I have looked at this training as my test of sorts. That if I couldn't manage to pull myself together now that I won't be ok when he deploys. I haven't done anything differently though, but I'm ok. I miss him, but I'm using this time as productively as possible and accomplishing a lot.

What I worry about now is that he is homesick, which is a first and I truly want him to be able to deploy and be who he has to be as a soldier so that he can come home to us and we can resume life again. Yes, I know there will be changes but I believe in us and what we have and I know we are both better together than apart. I don't want him to lose that instinct and be thinking about us while he is there and all his senses need to be focused on what is going on there. I don't want to be the weight that holds him down. So, what is my role? What can I do to be supportive and let him know we love him and we'll be here when he returns, but still encourage him to be a soldier first? I don't know yet, but when I figure it out, of course I'll let you know.

1 Comment:

  1. Kelly said...
    I completely understand your feelings of him wanting to focus on his task in front of him and not worry about home. I wish I could tell you that it is that easy for them. We are almost five months into our deployment and while I try not to tell dh too much information about things going wrong here I know that he is CONSTANTLY worrying about us. It is their duty, just like it is our duty to worry about them and make sure that they have everything that they need. Don't worry though, he will concentrate on what he needs to and you will both get through this deployment just fine. We are all here for you.

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