I had not written for awhile. I wasn't sure what to do because we didn't know for sure if he was deploying. Today, it became definite. I did know somewhere in my heart that he would be but yet I wasn't prepared. Strangely I feel a tad more peaceful because now I know what to focus on dealing with, but at the same time I have that going over the first hill on a roller coaster feeling in my stomach. There's no turning back and we only have a few weeks left. How do you do it? How do you act like everything is ok and there isn't this mind numbing loud ticking going on all around you.

I don't even know what to say. I'm scared to death and I'm not even completely sure why.


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