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It has truly begun

I returned home after visiting with my husband to say our last goodbyes before he leaves on his deployment. Everything seems so surreal right now. Like I wasn't even really there and none of this is truly happening. He cried this time when we said goodbye. I was surprised. He is always so soldierish that I didn't think he would ever let it go like that. Oh, not that he was balling or anything but just to see a tear slide down his cheek was something.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now. Part of me wants to break down and cry for all that I feel like I'm losing but the rest of me wants to shove it somewhere away from me and just move forward. Part of doing that is so silly because things that happened in our relationship that bugged me that I never really dealt with with him are the things that are crossing my mind and I'm actually getting angry all over again. I've always known that the easiest emotion to feel is anger, but the timing seems a bit ridiculous.

So, this is the beginning of the real journey. I don't know where it will take us, but if you keep reading, I'm sure you'll find out all the good, bad, and the ugly.

2 Comments:

  1. Susan (aka TripleE) said...
    This is tough...
    I don't know what else to say, it just is, but you can make it through.
    I remember that surreal feeling of the first day like it was yesterday, but it was over a year ago.
    I'll keep checking back on you! If you need anything, let me know, I know how it is to feel really out of the loop being NG and not regular Army.
    liberal army wife said...
    having gone through a deployment being NG and now back in the Big A Army - let me know if you need anything, or have questions. Now - not that you asked for it, but here's some advice. Cry. just let it out, get a sitter for the kids, and then scream, yell, cry. THEN... start all over again. of course you are angry. we all are. but, it is what it is, and if you keep worrying at it... it will just get worse. you can have a hissy, screaming, fit, go for it, you deserve it. Then, put your big girl panties back on and go forward - do it one day at a time.

    Don't let the Rear Det blow you off if you have questions. Find out who is responsive, and who isn't. Then find out the layer above them and the layer above them. And get the phone number for the Adjutant General (the BIGGEST Kahuna of them all)That's for emergencies.

    You can and will get through this, it's not easy, but it's do-able.

    LAW

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