I am alone. My insides feel like they are going to explode outside my body at any moment and I realized that I can't talk to anyone about it. I'm scared to death of him leaving. All the what ifs that I don't need to mention haunt me now that the date is getting closer. So much is going through me now and I can't talk to anyone about it. My friends have been and have offered to be very supportive but they don't truly understand and then there's the comments about if I'm this worried now what is it going to be like when he's gone. Well duh!!!! That's my point.

I'm so angry that he has to go. That there are people that started this whole thing and now the people we love have to be ripped away from us. I'm so sick of it! I'm so sick of hiding how I feel all the time so no one worries or thinks I'm nuts. I want to scream at him to listen to me to try to understand how I feel and to not judge me when I lose it. But he has to be strong all the time so in his eyes I'm just being weak. I don't know....this is just a big crapfest of a day. Sorry you had to suffer through this.


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