Open ended plans

Lately I have found myself having conversations that start out with "next year we should...." and then end in the oh yeah.....we won't be together next year. I don't understand how to live in limbo and how not to do it. I still will have my kids that will need to keep going on with their lives and I know he wants me to live like I do now and still be with friends and take vacations, but I really don't know how I'm going to do that. We had a huge discussion about taking a vacation without him. I don't think I could. He thinks I should. I don't want to be someplace soaking up the sun or having fun all the while he's in danger and living in horrible conditions at times. Maybe it isn't healthy. I don't know, I've never been here before. Man, I just realized that the only answer I seem to be able to give myself all the time is....I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.......


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