Will I ever feel normal again?
What does normal even feel like?
How will I be able to keep saying goodbye without it destroying myself?
Why do people tell the Hubs that they will look in on me and make sure everything is ok when they never had any intention of doing so?
Why does Hubs not get that I really can't do this anymore?
Will he understand one day that I really just needed some assurance that he loved me and that I just don't work for him?
Will we hate each other before anything ever truly gets understood?
How did I get so good at pretending that everything is ok?
Do I even know what reality is anymore?
Will I have a chance of allowing myself to trust again?
Where does the pain and anger go when inside you just want it all to end?
Why did he volunteer to do this?
Will I ever not feel so alone again?

1 Comment:

  1. liberal army wife said...
    yes, you will be able to do this, yes, you can do this. as for the "others" who say they will look in on you, they may just not be able to cope with your sadness and anger right now. your husband - you need to realize that right now he's not there. It sucks, but he's not. and he isn't thinking a lot about much other than what he needs to think about to be able to cope with what he's doing. that sucks too.

    You need to try to function normally, which I am sure you are doing. But I can only say it again and again.. get some counseling. This blog is a good way to vent, but it's still not a person who you can see and touch and talk to.


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