Tick Tock

Two weeks......two weeks until he leaves there and a few days after that until we are standing face to face again. I'm proud to say, I've learned my limits. I know when a conversation is heading in a direction that will push me back into the "dark side" and I excuse myself politely. He is none the wiser and we don't have an argument. I'm more sensitive to things with him than I was - just scaired of new paint chipping and revealing all the damage still underneath. I mean really what can truly be done right now. He is trying and I've found some affection for him still bubbling beneath the surface, but it's still so laden with fear and hurt that I can't make heads or tails of it all.

When he comes home it won't be the time to discuss any of it. He thinks we'll be ok and maybe we will be, but for right now I'll settle being able to hang out with my best friend again. Through this whole thing, I knew that I didn't want him out of my life completely, I really just wanted to stop hurting. Everyone keeps telling me that once we're together again it will be just like it used to be. I don't think it will be because now I carry so much baggage and who knows what he has experienced since he's been there. I don't need things to be the same, I just need us to work for tomorrow together. That's all. Just together.

So, 2 weeks. Try as I might not to look forward to it (in case something changes) the days are marked off on my calendar. I still have outfits picked out ready to go. I still will go buy something pretty to wear. Gosh, sometimes, I'm such a girl.


  1. liberal army wife said...
    so it won't be running into clouds of pink, and music swelling. and yes, you both have baggage. Take this two weeks as a great holiday. you are right, it's not the time to try to solve any problems. But don't give up! Rookie, all of us hit the wall in a deployment, and we think nothing will ever be good again. Some feel betrayed, let down. Some are so tired of being hurt and left alone that they think it's not worth it. That is a decision only you can make. and I hope that you do get some professional counseling, either alone or together when he gets home for good.

    LAW said...
    Girl! I just finished a Marriage Enrichment weekend in NC given by the NC national guard! it was a seminar by Mark Gungor. Dvd's! it was fabulous!! You should invest and get these DVDs.. and take the time to watcht these together! It brought us together closer than ever! check out

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